My God, my God, why hast thou forsaken me? why art thou so far from helping me, and from the words of my roaring? O my God, I cry in the daytime, but thou hearest not; and in the night season, and am not silent.” Psalms 22:1-2
“Jesus wept.” John 11:35
A heavy heart first drafted this post many months ago because of a post I had read that day. Times haven’t changed much since then. We are all struggling with our feelings since this pandemic. Different situations, but the feelings are the same. So many are hurting! All around, people are going through the fire.
This particular post was very raw and emotionally riddled with pain, questioning, anger, depression, sickness, financial need and shame.
Because of it, my mind reluctantly revisited a place I had gotten to over ten years ago. Desperately hungry and broken, I was blessed to attend a ladies comference that year in the month of September. I will take a moment to insert here, that if our world ever gets back to half-way normal, you owe it to yourself to attend one. If you are a guy, Men’s conferences are very enriching, as well. They are totally life-changing!!
Anyways, back to the step backwards in time…Our finances were in shambles. We were broke and debt-ridden, in spite of being on a tight budget. My husband and daughter (who was still living at home at the time) both had a lot of health issues. I even put my own health on the back burner because of the doctor visits, testing, hospital bills and surgeries resulting from all this. We had made some serious financial mistakes, as well. Bills were piling up fast!
I struggled daily with depression, worry for the future, how to fix things myself, wanting to take control of the reigns of my life, how to create budget-friendly meals to feed my family and dreams of being free of debt. I was in a terrible disarray of negativity and mental anguish.
Two friends gave me the money to go to the conference. They felt strongly that I needed to go. One was a single mom, with struggles of her own.
At first, pride would not let me consider taking a penny from anyone. I argued for several minutes that I would NOT take the gift from either, until the single mother of three said these words to me: “Please don’t rob my blessing.”
That did it for me. It completely broke down any resolve I had left AND foolish pride.
So I went. Every word seemed geared towards me. The speaker, named Vani Marshal, gave her testimony of how God had revealed Himself to her. My heart was greatly touched.
At altar call, she went through the crowd, praying with as many ladies as possible. It was obvious lots were hurting. Most were sobbing, including myself. She spoke something into my ear answering the question I had been asking in prayer, “Why, Lord? Can’t you fix all this? You are God, after all.”
Some would say we should never question God. Although, I do think we should trust that He knows exactly what He is doing in every area and aspect of our lives.
Just like Abraham, we can be a FRIEND of God.
That means we can have a “real” relationship with Him. We can be honest with Him about anything. Would we not do the same with any of our best friends?
Can’t we all relate to the suffering that daily life brings? The wormwood and the gall of it all? If you get a chance read Lamentations 3:1-58. It’s very lengthy reading, so I won’t include it here.
Life is not a bowl full of cherries. There is beauty on every corner, as well as troubles. We will hurt. We will get sick. We will hurt others. They will hurt us. When we get cut, we bleed. We don’t have many answers down here.
BUT WE DO HAVE THIS TRUTH: Each of us are loved very dearly and truly by God.
Nothing can separate us from Him. Not even our pain or the questioning–
Nothing but us.
Not even the enemy can make us. We have a mind to do what we want. We choose.
We will have terrible days that we wished we were dead or never born. (Being real here)
We will have good days. We will have lots of “wait on me, it’s not time yet” days. We will stomp our feet in our spirits at times, because we don’t want to hurt, we don’t want another day of waiting in the waiting room!
Through it all, there is a purpose for our pain. God allows struggles to shape our character and faith. He refines us, so we can endure the race that is set before us.
We become stronger and stronger to endure.
Keep running my friend!
If you can no longer run, walk.
If you can’t walk, crawl.
There is a prize to be won at the end of your race! You shall see His face! You won’t have to cry anymore “one day.”
There will be no more financial burdens, hurt feelings, weary bodies or minds.
Until then, remember that even Jesus wept.
Give yourself room for your feelings. It won’t always be like this, my friend. I can say this with confidence, because I am on the other side of that terrible financial trial.
Victory is coming!
But keep moving!
For those who may be interested, I’m including a link to my friend, Wendi’s book, I wish I had back during our financial struggles. It’s filled with practical budget-friendly tips to help with meals and every area of a tight budget.