After sharing a scripture on her post, Jacquie at Joy Cottage, encouraged me to share my thoughts. It can be found in Psalms 19:14.
They have authority to:
- Speak things into existence
- Set the mood/temperature in the home
- Change a destiny/heart/mind/situation
- Tear down/destroy/wound
Reflecting on that scripture, it brought to mind, a time when my words tasted like sour grapes in my mouth.
I was angry. Bruised. Hurting. Tired of fighting all the negative forces in my life.
If I were to be perfectly honest, I had completely given up on myself at that point.
Allowing the outside forces in my life to leave a splinter of wood inside my heart, the results were devastating. That splinter began to fester. Get infected. I grew snappy with attitude. Nothing was right with my fellow man or myself.
Looking back now, I am completely ashamed with myself! How had I let the enemy sift me as wheat?
That old devil is sly. He studies our weaknesses and then uses them against us!
I was tired and weary from the fight and began to believe the lies the enemy planted.
My life would never change. God didn’t care. He would not come to the rescue, because I was not worth the effort.
Some of the problems I was dealing with daily clouded my thinking on the level that it affected my behavior and decisions I made inside the church, as well.
I could not get over some things that had been done and said to me. I tried on a daily! I could not tell you how many times a day I prayed through those bitter feelings, only for them to bombard my mind later on in the day.
I said some things that I am totally ashamed of now. I had to ask forgiveness from leadership in the end. Not a proud moment.
Bitterness had taken root inside me. I knew something was wrong, but could not put my finger on the problem. I would pray and weep before the Lord, but felt something was hindering a breakthrough.
The funny part is, if you had told me bitterness was growing in my garden, at the time, I wouldn’t have seen it.
Bitterness blinds. We are hurt. Wounded. Gutted. Angry. Frustrated.
When bitterness sprouts, it takes over. Rebellion got a hold of me. “Stinking thinking” spewed out of my mouth. What in the world was wrong with me?!
The enemy was talking to me about who he said I was.
If I was so loved of God, how come all this had happened in the first place?
How could I ever live it down?
When I looked into the mirror in the mornings, I loathed myself. I completely bought into the devil’s lies. His whispers became my truth.
You are not good enough, strong enough, smart enough, pretty enough.
You can’t do anything right. Why try? You will never amount to anything.
….They did not really forgive you. You will never be used of God EVER again.
That root was growing into a tree. A beam in my eye. Up until the point of my reckoning day. I finally came to a place where I asked God to show me what was growing in my garden. And oh how He did!
“Looking diligently lest any man fail of the grace of God; lest any root of bitterness springing up trouble you, and thereby many be DEFILED;”
It wasn’t what I imagined to see or hear, for that matter. He revealed to me that I had let bitterness completely take over the garden of my heart, and because of that, my heart was defiled!
“For out of the abundance of the heart the mouth speaketh.
A good man out of the good treasure of the heart bringeth forth good things: and an evil man out of the evil treasure bringeth forth evil things.
But I say unto you, That every idle word that men shall speak, they shall give account thereof in the day of judgment.
For by thy words thou shalt be justified, and by thy words thou shalt be condemned.”
WORDS CAN MAKE OR BREAK
I’m so glad God did not leave me in this state of array. Healing came at a ladies retreat, where I watched a skit about three earthly vessels.
One was beautiful, made of porcelain and was so full of themselves, but the one that completely broke me down was the clay vessel that had a crack.
“But I’m not beautiful. I am cracked. Look at me. I cannot be used of God. I am so ugly. I’m just made of clay,” one of the women spoke with passion.
Something broke inside me that night. With gut-wrenching sobs I desperately tried holding back a river of torrential hurt, pain, unforgiveness and bitterness. I was not the only one who made their way to an old-fashioned altar. There were women crying everywhere.
For you see, we are all a little cracked. Imperfect. And in need of desperately placing ourselves back on the Potter’s Wheel. Where only He can remake us, remold and shape our lives made of clay.
God began to reveal to me, that the broken vessels are the ones The Potter can use.
I did a complete 360 turn-around that night.
He unraveled all the lies the enemy had tangled me into for so long, and I realized that:
“STINKING THINKING” HAD TO GO!!!
I began to read, pray and BELIEVE scriptures that spoke life to myself and others—the total opposite of the enemy’s report. I thought on the pure, lovely and just things, watching what I said, did and partook in.
It was a long, hard journey that led me here. One that involved praying that above prayer. That was around twenty years ago.
I believe a NEW REPORT now! I am fearfully and wonderfully made into the image of Christ! And so are you, my friend!
“LORD, I want to make you happy. I want my words and my thoughts to please you. You are my strong Rock and you are my Redeemer.”
Psalms 19:14 EASY
If you find yourself in a similar boat, won’t you find a quiet place to reflect on what voice you are listening to? Give God all the broken pieces.
And the God who truly does love you, will make you into a beautiful vessel of honor, to show forth His praises!